AWWWW mothers have to love them because if you don’t you’ll probably kill yours I’m contemplating killing mine if they ever do a mother swap show I would run away with my new mother…..after reading countless Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie I decided that my mother being so special deserves not some brutish hack and slash affair or an insipid poisoning I mean its always bloody or cold not to belittle villains and their master plans but I think a mother deserves something artistic and ingenious special declaration of I love you torn with hatred that only a mother can inspire in her children the bad in need of counselling kind but won’t go because the therapist wouldn’t play the its everyone’s fault poor dear game…..yes the crazy bitch actually doesn’t want therapy because she knows she has a problem but doesn’t want to fix it……instead lets drink and be bitter then spread some misery……yeah that type of bitter is never going to die…..but if my mother does eventually die I can pretend it was my plan all along….so yes I will be spending mothers day or as I like to call lets award this bitch day watching the clock tick by waiting for the Balrog that is my mothers inner soul to resurface and unleash its bitchy fury…..alcohol is like a summoning potion she drinks gets merry then somewhere along the line she loses consciousness and beast is summoned forth to moan and whine about its life then play the blame the children game followed by more self pity nobody loves me then the paranoia kicks in you all want me dead horrible children blah blah blah the moment you all wait for I’m going to kill myself I’m going to the bridge and kill myself because your all ungrateful….at which point we rush to bring her coat and shoes and open the door and chorus off you go then….but she never does we’ve grown past caring or being used or threatened and she knows that somewhere in that inebriated facade lies a cold evil mind that is fuelled by aggression its like she needs to argue then I come to slow conclusion OH MY GOD my mother is an internet troll that is the best all rounded description of my mother…..and so she begins again from act one until she finally retires for the evening or we do none of us have said much the Troll prefers the stage alone we just occasionally are allowed to participate fuel the fire from her odious monologuing….but yeah bring on the festive Sunday,