We evolved bloody clever things wee little humans we are don’t mind patting some clever scientist on the back if I ever meet one a real scientist and not one those astrophysicists who make number and letter soups and convince you that it means that universe is collapsing I’m probably berating the wrong branch of science but you catch my drift pretend you do or I’ll be forced to wander aimlessly further into the dark forest of crazy lady rambling…..we clever humans we climbed down from the dangerous treetops to squat in dank little caves really thought that one through I wonder how many said “you what_you want me to go in there_IN THERE where its dark and who knows what is living_IN THERE screw that mate I’m going back up there”…..we added central heating I wonder how that little discovery came about I mean what idiot thought it would be a good idea to furiously rub two sticks together then off course you get one idiot you went to far and started a fire and thus discovered home improvement and hey presto first decorated dank cave…..because lets face it only an idiot would make the greatest human discovery by sheer dumb luck and boredom no phones no TV no radio yep making two sticks smoke was probably Angry Birds of the long back to first page in your history book day…well not my history book they only went back to the Romans day so keep going stop right before you reach the dinosaurs if you hit the dinosaur’s then were taking about the wrong humans……so we got fire in the dank little cave which leads to smoke fire who cares we were hardier back then not sanitized I’m dying from a splinter must moisturize my frail little hands from the cold wimps…..we roughed it pissed and shat all over mother nature of course we’re still doing that consistent in fucking up something that’s humans…..but its more like pillaging and plundering then pissing and shitting…..then I’m guessing roughing it got old too many moaning and grumbling because we’re not living in holes thank whoever is responsible……I think the smoke fire was probably the first room spray……scent of fresh burning carcass and wood to smother the smell of piss and shit and we got creative spruced up the hole with graffiti because grunting only entertains for so long and we have to find ways to interact with family whilst ignoring them at the same time….but we didn’t stop there not content with hovels we built bigger and better things all culminating with the beautiful smartphone that I’m now waving around like some magic wand trying to get a wi-fi signal because I refuse to be inconvenienced by going to the other room…..I mean the whole point of a router is so I don’t have to be where the family congregates everybody else is swanning around from room to room blatantly taunting me because they got the good child while I got Chuckey’s reject evil but in a lame way…….smartphone you should be called arsephone at home it acts like a temperamental teenager its PMS button set on I hate you there for I will make you suffer…..but outside the house its a bloody wi-fi hotspot whore I don’t even have to be in the building it just goes crazy like a four year old at a Toys R Us poster…….P.S scientists I’m taking back that pat on the back.

Off course there is a slight possibility and I mean slight that it could be just my phone…. I’ve dropped it one too many times my laptop and tablet don’t suffer from arse-syndrome……naaaaaah I’m not giving back the pat until I get a new phone or scientist build something cool and amazing I’m hoping for anything grand small rainbow pony perhaps….no no wait….rainbow kitty I’ve tried with jumbo felt tip pens but its getting the kitten or cat to sit still that’s the hard part they run after the first color strays clearly won’t do anything for a free meal.